#St Patrick's Eve | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pickledpascal · 2 years ago

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St. Patrick's Day

Chapter Five: January

Summary: Jordan is invited to a New Year's party. Something she's never experienced before but maybe it'd be nice to go.

Warnings: Lots of nerves, 18+ themes.

Word Count: 4.8k

St. Patrick's Day Masterlist

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New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day was made as an excuse to drink copious amounts of alcohol and to gorge oneself on different foods. The holiday may not call for a feast like Thanksgiving or Christmas but there were trays and trays of tiny appetizers, usually some sort of thinly sliced meat on a light cracker or simple fruits in a bowl with toothpicks off to the side to spear them and lift them into a guests mouth. Jordan hadn’t celebrated New Year’s like that ever, really. Most years, she’d simply just put on the New York celebration on the TV while having some leftovers from Christmas as she watched–not attentive but just enough to notice when the ten seconds to midnight countdown started. Even when she lived with her parents, it was a similar routine. They didn’t have a party or guests over. Only the light buzz of noise that came from the television while her father had some sort of mixed drink and her mother retreated to her room around eleven. Her brothers were out so it would only be Jordan who was still awake by midnight, her father only slightly opening his eyes to see the ball drop. It wasn’t special but it wasn’t something Jordan desperately wanted to change either. There were far more important things she wanted to change about her family, their stance on certain legislation about queer people like her, things like that. Years of being out and they still didn’t fully accept her. She had her friends for that.

Jordan’s friends had left for the year, saying their goodbyes before they went home. They wanted to celebrate the New Year in their own homes and she couldn’t blame them, she didn’t do anything special for the holiday. But as the day came closer, she got an invitation to go to a party from Hugh. Jordan knew she wouldn’t be much fun at a party like that and tried to deny him but he kept asking and pleading since he wanted some of his friends to meet her.

“Come on, darling! I swear they don’t believe you even exist sometimes. They have to meet you!” Hugh exclaimed. He’d called her while she was in the middle of editing a video to be released later that day.

Jordan shook her head, clicking a few things with her mouse. “Hugh, I don’t think it’ll be fun for me. I barely go to movie premieres when asked.” Jordan never liked admitting she was famous, especially not to other famous people who worked much harder than she did. They weren’t able to make their schedule like she did.

“Darling, it isn’t a movie premiere. There won’t be any famous people there.” Hugh responded with a light sigh. He might have been lying a little…. There would be one famous person there besides himself. “Plus, you learned how to be around me. Wouldn’t it be a similar process if there happened to be someone famous there?” He joked softly. He’d desperately wanted his friends to meet the girl who lit up his world as brightly as the sun.

Jordan pursed her lips, taking her hand away from her mouse. The video was finished after four straight hours of editing. “That’s…. Different. I fell in love with you.” She admitted softly as she fiddled with the necklace that laid on her chest. Hugh was trying to flirt with her after all. She began to realize that, even when they first met during the Christmas tree lighting.

“Can’t have that with anyone else.” Hugh hummed and Jordan could hear the smile in his voice. He was smug. He knew he had an amazing partner and would rather die than give that up. Hugh wanted to boast to his friends as much as she would let him.

Jordan rolled her eyes, twirling slightly in her chair. “Mhm. You have my heart, Hugh Dancy. Only you could force me to go to a party.” She finally gave in. She knew she didn’t stand a chance either way, Hugh could be quite convincing when he tried to be.

“Great! God, have I mentioned I love you, darling? So much.” Hugh said excitedly, feeling the urge to kiss her. Unfortunately, they were only on a call and he couldn’t kiss her through the phone.

Jordan laughed quietly as she adjusted her glasses. They always seemed to slip off her nose. Must be her naturally oily skin. “Only about a hundred times.” She smiled, moving her video file over to YouTube so she could upload it.

The video just so happened to be her ranking Hugh Dancy characters. None of her fans knew of their relationship and Jordan didn’t reveal it in the video. It was made more as a joke, one that only she was in on. And her roommate. And Hugh himself but she doubted he watched any of her videos.

“Then I’ll say it a hundred more.” Hugh responded, his happiness evident in his voice. Jordan didn’t even have to see his face. She could clearly imagine his bright smile and the glimmer of happiness in his eyes.

That was how Jordan was dragged to a New Year’s party for the first time in her entire life. Sure, people had offered but none were successful in convincing her to come. When she told Elle the news, she was ecstatic and insisted she needed to wear the infamous little black dress that dominated simple fashion since the 50s. Jordan didn’t have a little black dress, a black dress, or any dresses for that matter. Half of her formal clothes were suits or rompers that could be paired with a blazer to dress it up. Dresses just never felt right to her, even as a little girl.

But Elle was adamant that Jordan needed one. “It goes with anything!” Was what she’d said. So there they were, at the entrance of the mall to find something for Jordan to wear. The mall was big and there weren't many people there since it was a weekday so it was easy for the two to disappear if they felt like it. Elle wasn’t the most famous person on the planet but she wasn’t a D-Lister either. Neither was Jordan. In public, they could be stopped a hundred times if they accepted everyone that came their way. They both tried to at least say hi to them if someone walked up to them but they also had their own things to do which Jordan did feel guilty for sometimes.

The pair stopped when Elle spotted a few nice dresses through a shop window. She pulled Jordan inside so they could sift through some of the clothes. She knew Jordan didn’t like anything too revealing when it was winter, so anything with a big slit or deep chestline was out of the question. A few minutes into their search, Jordan finally found something she liked and pulled it out for Elle to look at.

It was a knee-length black turtleneck sweater dress with a hole on the back that seemed to stop right above where one’s tailbone would start. It wasn’t conventional for what Jordan liked to wear during the winter, usually warmth was her biggest priority but she knew she’d wear a heavy jacket anyway.

Elle pursed her lips as she looked at it. It didn’t look bad. In fact, it looked very nicely made and she knew it would fit Jordan perfectly. “You should try it on. Make sure you like it.” She suggested.

Jordan pursed her lips, nodding as she walked into one of the dressing rooms to change. One thing she absolutely hated about dressing rooms when trying on dresses is that she had to completely undress down to her underwear to put it on. If she didn’t then everything would just look weird. No one wore a dress over jeans. It would look horrible if they did, people already tried that in the early 2000s. There’s a reason that didn’t come back.

Cracking the door open, Jordan stepped outside the room to show Elle how she looked. The dress fit her just right, tight in the best places while still giving her enough room to move in whatever way she’d like and it wasn’t too tight around her neck. Paired with some fishnets or some other tights, she knew it would be taken to a new level and look even better. It was the one. She just needed confirmation from her friend.

“If Hugh doesn’t kiss you on the spot, I will. That man is…. Very in love with you, though, so I don’t expect him not to.” Elle said as soon as she saw Jordan. “You look great. We’re getting that one.” She smiled brightly.

—-------

Being outside Hugh’s home wasn’t unusual to Jordan at this point. She’d visited him almost every day, making some sort of excuse that she was in the neighborhood but they both knew the truth yet neither wanted to admit it. What was unusual was the fact that there were other people in the house with them. It was just them whenever she visited him. Now, she had her friend by her side but Hugh’s friends greatly outnumber the two of them. It was intimidating. Jordan hadn’t met anyone on Hugh’s side. Was this what he felt when meeting her friends for the first time? Probably not. Hugh had a special air about him that could make absolutely anyone like him. It was most likely a mix of the fact that he had a British accent and his ice blue eyes, they could convince anyone to do anything if he tried.

It was around ten PM when Elle pressed on the doorbell and she realized Jordan was too frozen in thought to do anything. She nudged her so she was present in the moment before the door could open and they’d eventually be tossed around to talk with different groups of people. Elle was slightly more used to taking a lap and mingling with others since she had to do so for press junkets and interviews.

As the door opened, it revealed Hugh in a nice looking suit. It was a deep green but the white button up that was tucked into the green slacks didn’t have a tie. Hugh decided to leave the first few buttons open, not opting for a tie to match with his suit. His hair was relatively the same as usual, deep brown curls with a hint of gray at his temples. Though, it looked as if Hugh tried to slick it back. It didn’t stay. He looked handsome and it was very apparent what Jordan thought when she looked up to see him. Her mouth dropped open slightly and her eyes dilated which Elle couldn’t help but chuckle at. It was cute, seeing her so in love.

“Hello to you too, darling.” Hugh greeted, a teasing tone in his voice as he ushered the two women inside. He pressed a quick kiss to Jordan’s lips. He couldn’t take his eyes off her either.

Jordan wore that sweater dress and a pair of black fishnets tucked into a pair of shin-high knitted socks that disappeared underneath some platform boots. She was even taller than usual and Hugh couldn’t complain. Her height was one of her most attractive qualities and he wasn’t intimidated by it while some other men were. He didn’t find it necessary to be taller than his partner like some other men did. Her makeup was kept simple, winged eyeliner with a silver shimmery eyeshadow in the corner of her eye and her lips were painted in a deep cherry red. And he thought the bright red made her lips look more enticing.

Jordan finally caught her breath as she took off the leather jacket that covered her. She bit her lip slightly as she caught another look at Hugh. He was a welcome distraction from the voices in the other room. “Hi.” She said warmly.

Elle rubbed Jordan’s shoulder, giving her a smile. “I’m gonna go talk to some people. I think I see someone I know.” She said softly. “You gonna be okay together?” She asked. Elle was a very thoughtful person, almost like a mother when she wanted to be. She asked a lot of questions. Mainly about if someone was okay in a million different ways.

“I’ll be fine.” Jordan reassured with a light smile before Elle left her side. It wouldn’t be the last time she saw her that night, thank God. She was scared she was going to lose her for a little while. As some movement flashed in front of them, Jordan slapped her hand on her face. Hugh said there wouldn’t be other famous people there but she knew she should have expected different. Taking a deep breath, Jordan shook her head. “Fuck, nevermind. Mads Mikkelsen is here….”

Hugh had the audacity to laugh in response. “Oh come on, darling. He really doesn’t bite.” He tried to reassure her, setting a hand on her back. He’d known Mads for a while and they didn’t hang out as much as they used to but they liked to have each other over for certain occasions.

“I doubt that.” Jordan narrowed her eyes at Hugh, stealing a glance at Mads while he was distracted by talking with some woman in a cocktail dress that she didn’t recognize at all. That was good, at least.

Hugh shrugged with an amused glint in his eyes, “Well, can’t blame me for trying.” They both knew better. He took her hand and pulled her with him when that woman talking with Mads decided to talk with someone else. “I’m sure you wouldn’t mind meeting him since he was the first to catch your attention.” He teased.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Jordan breathed, a nervous look in her eyes. She could barely talk with Hugh when they first met, each conversation was initiated by him and Elle was the one to give them their “chance meetings.” That coffee shop, she learned, was carefully orchestrated by her friend.

Walking up to Mads Mikkelsen felt like a fever dream. He dressed similarly to Hugh except his suit was jet-black, creating an aura of elegance around him. Well, Jordan had seen bloopers that would combat that. People were contradictory and Mads wasn’t an exception. But the intimidating nature of how he dressed and how he held himself in a room full of people, some of which he probably didn’t know either, was stunning to witness. The man’s hair was its natural light gray color, signifying his age but it added to his charm and made him all the more handsome.

“Mads, this is my lovely girlfriend, Jordan Criss.” Hugh smiled, eyes flicking from her face to Mads’ as he introduced her to him. Jordan gave the older man a thin smile, nerves starting to get to her.

There was a glint of pride in his eyes with each word that left his lips. Jordan had barely seen a pride like his, even from her parents. This type of pride was easy and unconditional. It would last through anything. She could tell it would. Like how an elm tree stood tall while the elements tried to tear it down, never quite succeeding. It was immovable and strong. Sure, the rain and lightning could split some branches in half but they’d never tear the tree itself apart.

Mads turned to the pair and gave Jordan a polite smile. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Hugh has painted a very vivid picture about you. You certainly did not disappoint.” He hummed, glancing up at Hugh for a moment. He’d talked about her constantly. Mads didn’t mind though, it was fun to hear about the girl who stole his friend’s heart.

“Oh, uh, nice to meet you too.” Jordan’s face was flushed with nervousness. Usually, if she was forced to meet someone, she could put on her customer service mask and act as if she was more extroverted than she actually was. Didn’t work this time. At least, not as automatic as a light switch. Jordan had watched movies with Mads Mikkelsen, unintentionally, since she was a child. Casino Royale was her first exposure and ever since then she’d started to notice him in other movies. It was rare when she’d meet someone like that. Someone so ingrained in her childhood that she didn’t realize it until meeting them. She shook her head slightly after all those thoughts rushed to her head, “Sorry.”

Mads, being the understanding man he was, offered Jordan a light smile. “It’s alright.” Maybe it was some trait all celebrities shared but he could easily tell when someone recognized him and some sort of internal conflict inside them if they should act like they did.

“Jordan told me once that her favorite film of yours happened to be Casino Royale.” Oh fucking god. “But she also admitted that she used to have a crush on Daniel Craig when she was younger.” Hugh teased softly, trying to keep the conversation going. He thought it would be best if Jordan got to know one other person at the party and who better a candidate than Mads?

Mads shrugged, a grin spreading across his lips while Jordan averted her gaze. She tried to look at anything else than the two men on either side of her. “Who wouldn’t? It’s Daniel Craig.” He teased softly.

“I was also like ten and didn’t understand what bisexuality was because I liked Vesper too.” Jordan sighed out with a shrug as she tilted her head to the side for a moment as she finally looked Mads in the eye for the first time.

From afar, looking straight into his eyes seemed intimidating. They were dark and the curve of his brow was sharp. Some had described his eyes as a deep maroon color and Jordan almost agreed with them but looking at his eyes up close was a totally different world. Mads’ eyes were dark but looked to be a more chocolatey color, making them more friendly than the aforementioned maroon color. That color seemed to be more dominating in Jordan’s mind.

Mads nudged Jordan with a sly look in his eyes while Hugh let out a soft laugh. It was the type of laugh that caused his eyebrows to furrow slightly as his eyes twinkled happily. Jordan liked it.

“You’re funny.” Mads hummed softly. It wasn’t really a joke, he knew that but the way Jordan said it was what made it funny. “I hope I’ll see you again if Hugh doesn’t keep you to himself for forever.” He narrowed his eyes at the man in question while a smirk made its way to his lips, deceiving his want to act like a scolding father.

Hugh rolled his eyes, pulling Jordan closer to him in a slightly protective way. He knew Mads wouldn’t try anything. After all, he was happily married to his wife but the empty threat of wanting to see Jordan again made him react subconsciously. “You will, Mads. Maybe at the next party.” He smiled, gently squeezing at Jordan’s hip.

Dazed at the touch, Jordan simply nodded. She didn’t catch much of the words exchanged afterwards. Next party? She never agreed to that. Not that she wouldn’t but…. Huh? Jordan somewhat expected the party to feel like a fever dream but not to the extent she was feeling then. She’d just met and talked with Mads Mikkelsen who she then almost immediately told that she was bisexual and then he’d said he wanted to see her again. How fucking lucky was she? Most fans of his would pay hundreds of dollars just to see him in person and Jordan got it for free with a promise to see him again.

Yeah, definitely a fever dream.

—------

The rest of the party went alright. Jordan had her awkward moments but was quickly picked back up again by Hugh or Elle. There was rarely a moment when they left her side besides when she needed to go to the bathroom. She slowly eased into being social, gaining more confidence as the night went on to start a conversation instead of letting Hugh or any of his guests initiating it. It was surprising but delightful to see Jordan open up. She didn’t speak much about her personal life, specifically her job since she didn’t think they would understand. Most of Hugh’s guests were of similar age to him. Elle and Jordan seemed to be the only ones their age at the party so she knew it’d be a bit difficult to describe what she did for a living to them so she tried to avoid the question as much as possible. She was mostly successful, the question sneaking in here and there.

As the countdown for the New Year started, Jordan made her way to the backyard. Snow crunched underneath her boots as she stepped away from the door and sat on the steps. It wasn’t snowing and she was thankful for that but it was cold enough that the snow from a few days ago stuck and was made icier from the cold. But Jordan needed the cold, everything was starting to get to her and the nip of the night air was just what she needed to feel like herself again.

A few moments later, Jordan could hear the door opened and closed behind her. It didn’t surprise her when Hugh appeared next to her, gently setting his blazer over her shoulders. The blazer was a bit short on her because of her height but loose around her shoulders and arms. She caught a light whiff of his cologne, something citrusy with a hint of pine and some other scent that was undeniably Hugh. It made her smile as she looked off into the night sky. Coincidentally, the moon that night was full and Hugh lived far enough away from the city that the stars shined brightly. They weren’t blocked by the smog that hovered above the city skyline.

Ten!

“Shouldn’t you be inside? You know, talking with your friends?” Jordan asked as Hugh lit up a cigarette. Smoking wasn’t necessarily something she hated with a passion, people could do whatever they wanted to their own bodies, but she had never found it attractive until she’d met him. Though, Jordan knew she shouldn’t be surprised. A lot of Europeans smoked, Mads included.

Nine!

Hugh took a long drag from the cigarette, exhaling the smoke from between his lips as his eyes scanned Jordan’s face. He gave her a light smile as he confessed, “Much like you, I needed a break, darling. Seeing you outside happened to be the best excuse to step out for a moment.”

Eight!

Jordan hummed in response. She wasn’t sure she needed to say anything, just thankful for Hugh’s company. It was nice. To not need to speak, she’d been doing it all night and it seemed he was tired of it too. She leaned into Hugh’s side, careful to angle her face a certain way as to not let any of the smoke get in her face.

Seven!

Wrapping an arm around Jordan’s waist, Hugh let his arm holding the cigarette drop for a moment so he could focus on holding her instead. Plus, he sort of liked the light stinging sensation of letting the cigarette burn in between his fingertips. He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, causing Jordan to smile and cuddle closer to his side. For warmth only, of course.

Six!

“I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve been alone. Together.” Jordan huffed in a laugh, seeing her warm breath steam in the cold night air until it disappeared. She didn’t blame Hugh for it. She couldn’t. But she couldn’t lie and say she didn’t want just the two of them to be alone for a while.

The world was a wonder to behold and it was a shame she got so used to seeing marvelous things. Like snow. It was made up of tiny little crystalized pieces of ice that formed together to make snowflakes. The flakes themselves were bigger and when bunched together…. Looked like a lump of white, twinkling in the sun.

Five!

Hugh hummed as he put his cigarette between his lips, taking his last drag as he flicked it into the snow by his feet and stomped on it to quickly put it out. “I feel the same way.” He breathed, some of the smoke released through his lips as he talked. “Maybe next time we see each other, it shouldn’t be during a party with lots of people around.” Hugh chuckled softly as he brushed a few out of place hairs away from Jordan’s face.

Four!

“Couldn’t agree more.” Jordan laughed softly as she looked at Hugh with a light smile.

She could finally fully take in his face for the first time that night. She had to admit, he looked alluring in the moonlight and the faint white light coming from behind them through the glass doors. His blue eyes shined as he stared into hers and the light wrinkles around his eyes and near his brows were brought together to make him all the more attractive. Those grays too. They weren’t overpowering, not really showing his age. The grays were only dusting on Hugh’s temples, some scattered across his beard. One would probably guess he was in his late thirties rather than the reality that he was in his late forties. They might even be surprised to learn his real age.

Three!

Hugh’s lips formed into a thin smirk, not good at hiding the obvious amusement in his eyes. Maybe it was just her but you would think that an actor who’s played as many characters as he did would be much harder to read. That he’d be an enigma of some sort. Not quite. Hugh had his moments. Moments of purposefully concealing himself if he needed to. Never usually around Jordan though. She’d appreciated it. She believed it would be incredibly easy for him to suddenly push all those emotions in his eyes away.

Two!

It’s been a while since their last kiss, Jordan realized. When they were alone together, kisses were a constant thing throughout their dates. But Jordan did leave Hugh a few times. Mostly to grab some food on a small plate. She was sure Hugh bought most of the snacks, unsure if he could make any from scratch. She probably would have helped if he asked. Though, Jordan could tell that Hugh felt embarrassed when asking for help. Not because she emasculated him or anything of the sort but he probably felt as if it should come easy to him.

Cooking was like an art. One would have to practice before they started to be decent at it, similar to painting or singing. Some did have a natural talent but practicing helped to hone in on their skills. You couldn’t get better at it until you did.

One!

As soon as the words left those inside the houses’ mouth, the pair outside practically surged into each other. The kiss started out sweet and light and Hugh’s lips were familiar. That same taste as always. Except this time, Jordan could taste and almost smell the champagne he’d had earlier on his lips. She didn’t hate it. It shocked her. Alcohol wasn’t something Jordan liked whether it was inadvertently or on purpose. Perhaps it was the fact that it was on Hugh’s lips, a taste she quite liked without the alcohol but it made it more bearable. In fact, it made Jordan crave his lips even more. She carefully set her hand on the back of Hugh’s neck to keep his head in place, not letting up until she had a feeling he needed to breathe.

He rested his head against Jordan’s when their lips parted, a smirk starting to grow. “I love you.” Hugh whispered as he lifted a hand to gently run along the sharp jaw that belonged to Jordan. “Especially when you kiss me like that. Like you’d love to mark me as yours. I’d let you.” He admitted, eyes darkened and hooded as he watched Jordan’s face.

She swallowed thickly, her lips a light shade of red from their previous kiss while her eyes were darkened similarly to how Hugh’s were. “You would?” Jordan asked, her voice breathy and nervous. She was thankful that the redness of her cheeks and nose were somewhat concealed by the cold.

“Mhm.” Hugh hummed, diving in for another kiss.

Making new resolutions a hundred times indeed. Some of them are not so nice to share with others, even close friends. Jordan knew for sure that she wouldn’t share hers with Elle.

#will graham #will graham x oc #hugh dancy #hugh dancy x oc #hugh dancy x jordan criss #jordan criss #ocs #st. patricks day #adam raki #mads mikkelsen #holidays #new years eve #bobby bronson #luke brandon #confessions of a shopaholic #roar

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scoonsalicious · 9 months ago

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Like A Fairy Tale

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Dating Bucky Barnes had been like living a fairy tale, but as he distances himself from you and your relationship, you come to the realization that maybe fairy tales aren't meant to come true.

Warnings: Language to make Steve blush, mentions of alcohol use, implied sex, angst with a happy ending.

Word Count: 3.4k This is my very first posted fic, and I am very nervous but I hope you like it! If I've missed any warnings, please tell me so I can add them. Much love and thanks to my bestie @jmeelee for indulging my obsession and dropping everything to read this when I sent it to her <3 Please pardon any spelling/grammar errors.

If you ever feel so inclined to support my work, hop on over to buy me a coffee; it's much appreciated! <3 I write for 18+, so minors DNI. _____________________________________________________________

Once upon a time, being Bucky Barnes’ girl had felt like living in a fairy tale. He was everything your younger self had ever dared to dream of in a Prince Charming– attentive, affectionate, kind, and oh, how he made you laugh! You were the envy of all of your friends, the very definition of #couplegoals, and you thanked your lucky stars every night that the two of you had found one another, despite all the odds.

But fairy tales aren’t real.

You weren’t sure exactly when it started, but somewhere in the third year of your relationship, after you’d moved into a handsome brownstone in Brooklyn together, after you’d adopted a fluffy white kitten, Bucky started pulling away from you. The steps that took him from you were small at first– he was taking on more and more missions, opting to stay gone for longer periods of time. Days would go by, and they’d turn into weeks, then a month or two at a time would go by where you wouldn’t see him.

At first, it hadn’t been terrible– Bucky had always made sure to contact you each and every day. A video call whenever he could, a phone call or text when he couldn’t, but slowly, so slowly you barely noticed, the calls stopped coming all together. Sure, he’d answer when you called him… when he could, which wasn’t always possible on a mission, and you hated acting needy and taking him away from his work, so eventually, you stopped reaching out, too.

When he was home, you were like ships passing in the night. You always offered to take time off of work so you could spend some time with him before he was set to head out again, but he never wanted you to jeopardize your career on his account. Your reunions would always be passionate, but short-lived, a few hot and heavy nights before he took off once more to save the world.

You tried not to let it bother you. You really, really did. His job was so important. People’s lives relied on him. Where did you get off getting upset over that? So, you kept it to yourself. Until you couldn’t. Not any more.

“Y/N,” your best friend, Lainy, cornered you at her annual New Year’s Eve party, “where’s Barnes? He’s been leaving you to go solo for months now. I don’t think I’ve seen you with him since Mark’s St. Patrick’s Day Party.”

Ouch. “He’s working, Lainy,” you told her, not wanting to admit that March had been the last time the two of you had gone out together, let alone spent more than three days in a row in each other’s company.

“Yeah, he was ‘working’ over the Memorial Day trip, and the 4th of July BBQ, and Jack and Alice’s wedding, and your aunt’s funeral.” You cringed internally as she applied air quotes to ‘working.’ “And he was ‘working’ on your birthday, and Christmas. Babe, he’s been leaving you alone for almost an entire year. What’s going on? Are you sure there isn’t someone else?”

The worst part was, you knew there wasn’t, or at least, no one individual. When he’d first started distancing himself, of course another woman was the first thing that came to your mind, and you weren’t proud of yourself, but you’d gone through his phone to search for evidence of an affair… multiple times, and repeatedly came up with nothing. And bless Bucky’s heart, but he didn’t have the technological know-how to hide an infidelity from you. Granted, that didn’t negate the possibility that he was randomly hooking up with people while he was away. You’d have to be stupid to not consider the possibility.

You could have asked Steve. You didn’t think Captain America had it in him to lie to you about something like that, but you didn’t want him reporting on your suspicions back to Bucky, nor did you think you could stand to see the look of pity in his eye if he had to tell you that yes, Bucky was cheating on you while you anxiously awaited his return every night. So, you kept the suspicions to yourself.

Your conversation with Lainy had left you deflated. Here it was New Year’s Eve, and you were alone, the man you loved god knew where– just not with you. How many more holidays and milestones and everyday nights were you going to spend by yourself, waiting for a man who never seemed to want to be home with you anymore? This wasn’t the kind of life you wanted, the kind of life you deserved.

You made your way to the kitchen to refill your glass of wine. You’d probably already had too many, but you needed to drown the despair that was slowly filling you up. As you poured an exceptionally generous glass, a man entered the kitchen. You recognized him– Harris, a cousin of Lainy’s who had flirted with you relentlessly for years before you had started seeing Bucky.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up upon seeing you, “it’s been awhile.” He enveloped you in a friendly hug. “How’ve you been?”

You smiled and exchanged pleasantries, catching up on the overall brushstrokes of your life.

“I’m sorry about your breakup,” he offered gently, after you’d exhausted the usual small talk.

“My breakup?” you asked, brow piqued.

“Last few events I’ve seen you at, you’ve been alone. I assumed you and Barnes…” he left the thought floating, the implication hanging in the air: Barnes has left you alone, I assumed you broke up.

You huffed out a laugh. God. Was your relationship actually over and you were the only one dumb enough to not see it?

“If you aren’t seeing anyone,” Harris continued, “I would really love to take you out. You’ve gotta know I’ve been into you for ages, and I figure if I don’t shoot my shot now, who knows when I’ll have another chance.”

You cocked your head and looked at him, taking in his earnest demeanor. Here was a man who genuinely wanted to spend time with you. Why were you waiting on someone who no longer wanted to be around?

“Um, I might have to get back to you on that, Harris,” you told him before excusing yourself. You needed air.

You found yourself on Lainy’s balcony, the air deceptively mild for the end of December in Manhattan. Alone with your thoughts, you pulled out your phone and dialed Bucky’s number. It went straight to voicemail.

“Someone asked me out on a date tonight,” you said into the recording, your voice choked with tears you didn’t want to shed. “And I think I might say yes, because, honestly Buck, what are we even doing anymore? You’re never here, and I’m always alone. I tried. I tried so fucking hard to not let it get to me, because your work’s important. I know that. I do, and I’m not begrudging you for your job. But… but I can’t keep on like this. I can’t even remember the last time we spent more than three days together. Isn’t that crazy? Three days. Everyone thinks you’re cheating on me. Did you know that? You’re away so much that everyone I know is convinced you’re fucking someone else. Maybe you are, or maybe you already left me, but I’ve been too stupid to notice; if that’s the case, you could have just told me.”

You kept your composure as you left the message. You weren’t angry at him; you never could be. You were just tired. So tired, and so lonely.

“All I know is that it’s another night where I’m all by myself, wishing you were here, wanting to talk to you, to feel you, and you’re just… not. You’re off doing something, or someone, more important than me, and I used to be okay with that, but I can’t be anymore. I deserve more than waiting on you, Buck. I deserve to be someone’s priority. I really wish I could have been yours, the way you were mine.

“So, let’s just call it, okay? Your heart’s obviously not in it anymore, and mine is too tired of being hurt and alone. We’ll have to figure out what to do about the house. I’m keeping Alpine, though. You haven’t been here for her, either, and it wouldn’t be fair of you to take her if you’re never going to be around.”

Inside, you could hear the rest of the party as they counted down to midnight. When they reached zero, the night erupted in fireworks, and you could hear cheers and cars honking their horns throughout the city below you.

“Huh,” you said into your phone, “it’s midnight. Happy New Year, Buck. I hope it ends up being a good one for you, and I’m sorry for whatever I did that made you decide you didn’t want to spend this last one with me.”

You hung up the phone and the tears finally fell as you slid down the balcony railing until you were crouched on the floor. You weren’t sure how long you sat there crying, but eventually Lainy found you, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders and ushering you into her spare room. She helped you change out of your cocktail dress and into a spare pair of pajamas, and helped you wash your face before tucking you into bed. She left you with a glass of water and a kiss on the forehead, promising that tomorrow would be better, that the next best chapter of your life was about to begin, but as you drifted into a fitful sleep, you couldn’t find the will to believe her.

You woke the next morning with a throbbing headache, the alcohol and the tears doing nothing but dehydrating you into agony. You grabbed your phone to check the time, but the battery had died in the night. From the slant of the sun coming in from the guest room window, it looked to be late morning or early afternoon.

You changed back into your dress, thanking Lainy for her help and making a small joke about doing the walk of shame in your clothes from the night before. You avoided her questions about what had happened, promising to go over it at length at the weekend after you’d had some time to process. You weren’t in the best headspace to get into at the moment.

Fortunately, your best friend knew you well enough not to pry, and you said your goodbyes, plans for brunch on Sunday having been made. You weren’t eager to get back home, to be surrounded by reminders of Bucky, when all you wanted was the man, himself. But he was your ex-boyfriend now, you supposed. You were going to have to come to terms with that sooner than later. Besides, Alpine needed to be fed, and you weren’t going to abandon her.

Your keys clicked in the lock as you opened your front door. “Al, baby,” you called, kicking off your heels and closing the door behind you, “Mommy’s home. You hungry, sweetie?”

You began making your way back toward the kitchen when a loud crash from upstairs got your attention. You rolled your eyes; what had the cat knocked over now?

But then there was the roar of a body barreling down the upstairs hall and toward the stairs, leaving you frozen where you stood. You cast a glance to where you’d left your phone in your purse by the door. Too far away to reach in time to call for help as the intruder came pounding down the stairs.

A massive figure rounded the corner, nearly knocking you over.

“Bucky?” You blinked, sure your eyes were playing tricks on you, but no– there he stood, and he looked like shit. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and his eyes were swollen and red-rimmed. He’d obviously been wearing the same clothing for at least a day, if not more.

“Y/N,” he breathed, throwing his arms around you and wrapping you in an almost bone-crushing embrace. “Sweetheart, I was so worried.”

“What are you doing here, Buck?” you asked him, pulling away from him. God, you wanted to let him hold you, but you just couldn’t. Not anymore.

Bucky cupped your face in his hands, blue eyes desperately searching yours. “I got your message. Doll, it fucking broke my heart. I came straight home, but you weren’t here, and I was terrified that you were gone; that you’d left me for good.”

You scoffed. “I’m not the one who leaves, Bucky.”

He flinched at your words. “I know, Baby. I know, and ’m so sorry. I had no idea. I shoulda known what leavin’ you so much was doin’ to you, ‘cause it was doin’ it to me, too. When I heard you say that people– that you– thought I was cheating on you, that I had neglected you so much you thought I found someone else, that I could ever love anyone else, ever want anyone else– I’ve never hated myself more, doll. I can’t stand that you even had those thoughts in your head for one second, because it’s always been you. There’s never been anyone else. You’re it.”

“Then why have you been gone?” you asked him in a whisper. “If there’s no one else, and I’m it, why don’t you ever want to be with me? Why do you keep leaving?”

Bucky ran both his hands along his face. “God, it feels so stupid now,” he said with a sigh. “But I was trying to save–”

“Trying to save the world, yeah, I know,” you interrupted him, annoyed. “Trust me, I’m well aware that I can’t compete with that. But I needed to know you thought we were worth saving, too, and you never did.”

Bucky started laughing then, and you scoffed. “Wow, you don’t have to rub it in, Bucky.”

“No, no– Sweetheart, no!” he shook his head. “That’s not it, at all. Hold on.” He went to the foyer and grabbed his go-bag; you had missed it when you walked in. Coming back to the kitchen, he put it on the table, opening it up and extracting a folded piece of paper and handing it to you.

It was a real estate listing for a farmhouse Upstate, with acreage on the Hudson. You and Bucky had talked about what kind of house you would buy if the situation had ever presented itself, and it was almost as if you’d dreamed it up.

You looked from the paper back to Bucky. “I don’t understand,” you told him.

“It needs pretty extensive renovations,” he told you. “I wanted to take on enough overtime to have the money for them and make a good dent on the mortgage, but it needed more work than I originally thought. And, I have to come clean– I haven’t been one hundred percent honest with you about where I’ve been spending all my time.” He looked up at you through his lashes, head bent down in shame.

“But… but, you said there wasn’t anyone else,” you stammered, heart ready to beat out of your chest.

“Oh god! No, and I mean that! There isn’t, I swear! God, I’ve fucked this up so bad!” Bucky tugged at his hair in frustration. “I’ve been going on extra missions, but sometimes, Sam, Steve, and I go Upstate to do some work on the house, to cut down the costs so I could still make my timeline.”

“You already bought it?” you asked, your voice flat. You were in shock. “You want to move out? Away from me?”

Bucky moaned in distress and drew you to him again. “No! God, I’m doing this all wrong. I want us to move there, together. To make it the perfect house. The perfect home for me, my wife and our stupid fur baby.”

You stilled at his words. “I’m sorry, your what?”

Bucky smiled at you sheepishly as he reached back into his go-bag. “I’ll have you know that I had an entire plan. Was gonna have the house ready by Valentine’s Day. Take you up there as a surprise, ask you properly, but I fucked that up, so…” He brought his hand back out, holding a small burgundy velvet box. He opened it to reveal a vintage engagement ring, a sapphire instead of a diamond. Your favorite stone.

Bucky got down on one knee. “Y/N,” he began as his voice choked up a bit with emotion, “I know I fucked up for the last eight months. I would completely understand if you can’t forgive me, but I need you to know that I love you. I have only ever loved you, and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life making up for the fact that, even for a moment, I let you think that you weren’t the most important thing in my life, my number one priority. Will you marry me?”

“Buck…” you began, not sure how to phrase what you were about to say. “What about your job? I can’t keep coming in second to the rest of the world, and I get that it’s selfish of me, but–”

“I quit,” he said simply.

“What?” Your eyes were wide with shock at his statement.

“The second I heard your voicemail, where you said you wanted to call it because I was never there, I told Steve I was done, that I needed to start putting you first. It wasn’t even a question. I’m officially retired.”

Your mouth hung open. You had hoped he would cut down on his missions, but for him to have quit completely… You gently tugged him to his feet, taking the ring box and running a finger across it.

“It’s lovely,” you told him softly. “Absolutely perfect; exactly what I would have picked for myself.” Bucky beamed at you, pleased. “But I can’t accept it.” His face fell as you gently placed the ring back in his hands.

“Oh,” he whispered, eyes growing glassy. “I… um, I understand. I fucked up, hurt you. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“I still want to be with you, you idiot,” you admonished him. “But you did hurt me, and we’ve been apart for a long time. We need time to find our way back to each other again, okay? Ask me again on Valentine’s Day, just like you originally planned. Don’t do it now just because you fucked up.” You leaned up on your tip toes and kissed him. “And if it helps make you feel better, I’m probably going to say ‘yes,’ anyway.”

Bucky grinned at you. “Really?” he asked. When you nodded, he picked you up and spun you in a circle before pressing his lips to yours as if he hadn’t touched you in months. “I promise you, Sweetheart, I’ll do anything I can to make this up to you, I swear it.”

“Anything?” you asked with a smile. “I think I know where you can start.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked you. “And where’s that?”

“Take me to bed, Bucky Barnes,” you said, kissing him again.

Without a word, Bucky swung you over his shoulder and ran with you up the stairs, your squeals and giggles echoing behind him.

Much, much later, when you lay sated together tangled in limbs and sheets with Alpine snuggled next to your heads, Bucky played with your fingers as you rested your head on his bare chest.

“So, Doll,” he said, kissing the pads of each of your fingers, “you gonna tell me who had the nerve to ask my girl out on a date?”

You laughed. “Lainy’s cousin, Harris. I suppose I’ll have to text him now and tell him I’m not interested.”

“Hell no, you’re not interested,” Bucky chuffed. “Gonna have to remind that punk you’ve already got a boyfriend. The position has been filled.”

“That’s the thing, though,” you said, planting a kiss on his nose. “I don’t have a boyfriend anymore, do I?”

Bucky’s face fell. “But I thought you said–”

“I’ve got myself a fiance.”

Bucky tightened his grip around you, drawing you even closer to his warmth. “Yeah, okay. I gotta admit I like the sound of that a lot better.”

Your entire relationship with Bucky Barnes might not have played out like a fairy tale, but in that moment, you were more sure than ever that you two would get your happily ever after.

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